It's ugly, it's hard on everyone and it's not any easier if you're 10 or 25. My parents SHOULD have gotten divorced 10 years ago when they intended on it. But they decided to "stay together for the kids".. So my last 10 years have included less and less family outings because they started to have more and more fighting. The occasional fighting out loud, or the flat our ignoring each other, my dad sleeping in my brothers room once he went off to college, the nasty comment about one or the other, my mom getting increasingly more independent on her medications, and starting to take more, and my dad getting more and more distant.
Things do happen for a reason, if my parents had gotten a divorce 10 years ago My mom, my brothers and I most likely would've ended up in Indiana, I would've seen very little of my dad, and I would've never moved to Jacksonville and met the friends I have or Thomas.
But sometimes I think even if not 10 years ago, why not 9 when my dad got out of the military, or 3 when it started to get really bad. But they stayed together for me to graduate, for Shane to graduate, so they had to stay together for Sam as well.
Were we better off? I don't know.
But now what we've anticipated for 15 years is finally happening. And it's like the longer they waited the nastier the ending.
It was so bad 2 years ago I moved in with my boyfriend, it was so bad 3 months ago when my mom found out "things" which my dad has still not admitted to that I had to let my dad come live with me. For atleast the sake of Sam not having to live in that house with the constant screaming for his last 2 weeks of high school, and his summer before he starts college.
But letting my dad move in just stopped the face to face fighting. I've had to endure texts and emails over and over of things my mom "thinks" my dad has done, what he's doing to her, and her immature rantings just because she's pissed off.
I've asked her and Shane has asked her over and over not to include us in THEIR divorce. There is no custody that needs to be decided, there is no choice we need to make between parents, so there is no reason that we should be subjected to the nasty details that should be between only my dad and my mom.
3 months later, my brother has moved into the dorms and I'm literally sick, tired, and stressed about it.
I'm tired of not knowing who to believe, or what to believe. I'm tired of the he said, she said. I'm tired of constantly being put into the middle of it because they can't talk to each other like reason adults. Even for the littlest things like asking my dad to do this or do that.
So, I gave them an ultimatum. I told them that either they leave out Shane and I, that the putting us in the middle texts and emails stop or dad will be moving back into the house that he is paying for, the reason he can't afford to get his own place. The 4 bedroom house that apparently is NOT big enough for the both of them... So my dad decided to go ahead and move back in. He did the adult thing and decided that my stress is not worth him staying there, he said they'll start handling this like adults. My mom however, only had "Your dad will find a room somewhere" to say.
But now that she's realized she has no choice, that he is coming back to stay there, It's now my fault. I have gotten text or text, how I've done more hurt then help (apparently the 3 months of sanity she just thanked me for over the weekend, has suddenly gone away even though my dad has not even moved back in), how she does not want to speak to me, how even though before she said this divorce will not effect my dad paying for my car insurance, now I will have to start paying for it or get my own.
I'm tired of this. My dad is not the saint in all of this, but neither is my mom. The things I could tell you that they've done too each other the past 24 years of marriage, would make this post a book. And make you wonder why they've been married for this long, or how they ever got divorced in the first place.
I'm done. I'm tired of doing what is right for the sake of my parents sanity and it turning into stress and unhealthy habits and times for myself.
15-16 years ago I sat in my room and cover one brothers ears with my hands as I had the other listen to music with headphones while they were screaming at each other with no disregard for their children. Which lead to me crying myself to sleep every night, a nasty eating disorder that I myself, without the help of anyone else climbed myself out of, multiple thoughts and close attempts of taking my own life.
After that I had addictive habits over and over of things that just made me feel better for a moment, until I came home. From eating, boys, alcohol, even church for years.. I threw myself into church, for reasons I've only realized now that it was just another addiction. I wanted so badly to believe in God at the time, and believe that he would fix everything in an instant. That if I did my bible studies, that I attended church 3 times a week, that if I did everything I was supposed to do, things would get better. And when I didn't realize that I was doing all of those things for the wrong reasons, that God doesn't do things instantly or even exactly how we want them to be, but that he does everything for a reason. I hated him, I finally had someone to blame other then my parents. I flat out stopped believing that he was even real because he didn't help me in my mind, if anything he only through in a miserable 4 years of high school, and health issues and made things worse.
I'm finally to the point in my life where i'm happy, 150% happy not because of something temporary. But because of my amazing boyfriend, which in turn has helped me believe in God again. Helped me believe that he does have a plan, that all the struggles, I have gone through have not him making my life worse, but him helping me learn lessons so I could get to this amazing part of my life.
I have a great boyfriend, a great house, great job, amazing pets, and people in my life. And I REFUSE to let them bring me down. To stress me back again, to take away this happy place I am in.
Even now I have let my dad live with me for 3 months, and him physically being here has not been the issue, if anything it has been nice to have him around, seeing him everyday again. But it's the emotional drama that has come with it. The unspoken cloud of things that I want him to tell me are true or not, but things I really don't want to know. The go between I've been made into because my parents can't talk to each other.
I finally just don't care. I will miss my dad, and I feel sorry for making him go back there for his and my mothers sake. But I can't care, I can't feel bad. Because I need to enjoy my life, I need to enjoy everything that's good in my life. And now have to worry and stress about them anymore. They are adults and they need to start acting like that.
I'm sorry this is so long, but its just things I needed to say. Even if no one reads them, its things that I just needed to put into words.
IM DONE.
LIFE, LOVE & EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN
Who's That Girl
- SRsquared
- Jacksonville, Florida, United States
- "Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So, love the people that treat you right and forget the ones who don't. And believe that everything happens for a reason... If you get a chance.. take it, if it changes your life.. let it. Nobody said that it would be easy, They just promised it'd be worth it." I'm Shannon, 25 and learning to navigate through the crazy, happy, sad, amazing moments of my life.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Mini Chicken Pot Pies
MINI CHICKEN POT PIES
I found this recipe on Pinterest but the link it took me to was Betty Crocker.
(I had just enough to use all 12 muffin tins in my pan)
Ingredients
- 3-4 Boneless Chicken Breasts
- 2 Cans Cream of Chicken Soup : (mine were a little dry because I used only 1 can)
- 1 Bag of frozen Mixed Veggies : (My bag had carrots, peas, lima beans, and corn)
- 2 cups Bisquick
- 2 eggs
- About 1 Cup Shredded Cheese: (You don't have to use this, or you can use more or less)
- 1 Stick of Butter or Cooking Spray
- 1 - 1 1/2 Cups Milk
- Salt and Pepper to Taste
Directions
Preheat oven to about 400 Degrees F.
1. Boil Chicken until cooked throughly about 20 minutes, but you'll need to check on it.
I've found that if the chicken is a little defrosted first and you cut into big pieces it takes a little less time.
2. When you go to boil chicken set frozen veggies out (still in bag), this will defrost them just enough. You don't want to defrost them all the way because they'll over cook when you cook the pot pies in the oven.
3. In a mixing bowl, combine Bisquick, 2 eggs, and milk. Start with 1 cup milk, if still took dry add another 1/2 cup. You want it to be pretty thick, not runny. Mix until little or no clumps are left. Set to the side.
4. In another mixing bowl, combine mixed veggies, cream of chicken (both cans), and 3/4 of your shredded cheese. Set to the side.
5. When your chicken is cooked thoroughly, let cool. Best way to do this is to pour into colander. Pour 1/2 a cup of ice over it. And spray cold water onto it and mix it around until the ice melts. (Spray the water for about 30 - 60 seconds before you start mixing the chicken to insure it's not hot to where you'll burn yourself, if you don't mix around while you're spraying water it will only cool the top pieces).
6. Once your chicken is cool enough to be handled. Cut into small chunks or shred. (I cut into small chunks similar to the chicken in store bought pot pies). Combine with veggie, soup mix. Stir until completely mixed in. Add Salt and Pepper to taste. (I like my food salty and peppery so I normally don't add much salt at all and let everyone add it to their plates individually. I learned to do this after many dinner complaints that the food was a little salty.)
*****You can use either regular muffin pans, mini muffin pans, or even a small casserole dish and make 1 casserole out of it. (The cooking directions are for 1 Regular Sized Muffin Tins containing 12 muffins), you may need to cook longer for a small casserole dish, or less time for mini muffin tins.****
7. Butter each muffin tin completely from top to bottom to ensure your pot pies don't stick.
8. Spoon about 1 tablespoon of Bisquick mix into each muffin tin.
(If using mini muffin tins 1/2 of this, if using casserole dish make about a 1/2 layer on the bottom)
9. Next layer the chicken/veggie mixture into each tin. You want to leave about 1/4 of an inch at the top. You can always spoon some out if you put too much. Or if you have 1-2 muffins left. Spoon a little out of each. (Don't worry if some Bisquick oozes up through the mix, this is one reason to keep it thick because less will ooze up to the top)
10. Next put about a spoon full of Bisquick mix on top of each layer. You want to smooth out and completely cover veggie/chicken mixture. Add more if it's not enough.
11. *Optional* My friend made this recipe after seeing it on my Facebook and added a little cheese on the top so that it adds a little nice, crunchy cheese top to it. I will be doing this next time, that is why I advised not to use all your cheese in the mixture.
BAKING INSTRUCTIONS:
The original recipe advised to cook for 25 minutes at 400.
I don't know if my oven just isn't as strong because I needed about 10-15 minutes longer.
After the initial 25 minutes make sure to keep an eye on it.
I have the attention span of an ant, or for those who have kids .. I just set my Oven alarm at 5 minute intervals and checked it each time.
It'll look like picture above, nice and golden brown.
I'm not a big pot pie fan, but my boyfriend is. Nor am I a huge veggie fan. So this is great for kids because it really masks the veggie taste. And it's got your meat, start, and veggies all in one so no need to make anything else with it.
I'm not a big pot pie fan, but my boyfriend is. Nor am I a huge veggie fan. So this is great for kids because it really masks the veggie taste. And it's got your meat, start, and veggies all in one so no need to make anything else with it.
These are great left overs too!!
Each person had 1-2 pot pies. If you want to make more, just double recipe and use 2 muffin tins, or a large casserole dish.
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